Reflections on a Life Changing Experience

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:1-5

To say I was more than a little curious about the transition back into "my life" is an understatement. Jamie and I had several conversations about reverse culture shock and (my) expectations that people genuinely want to know what's going on in Haiti. Another friend suggested that I have a two-minute version because that's all most people want to hear. And before this trip, my attention span might have been about the same for someone with a similar experience.

That was before it was real.

I know the children of Maison de Lumiere. I know their faces and stories; I close my eyes and I can hear their voices. I spent five weeks watching them praise God with honor and glory, totally unashamed. Yes, it's the same God that I worship, but the spiritual richness I felt in Haiti is something I haven't felt here in America.

I know that I am blessed with living in a country where I am afforded a myriad of opportunities. I work hard as a teacher in order to maintain a certain lifestyle, and I don't feel guilty about anything I have. I will admit that I have been caught up in the pursuit of stuff and allowed my spirituality to take a backseat to the accumulation of material possessions and other seemingly important things. In Haiti, there is no pursuit of stuff. It's the pursuit of God and His Kingdom.

Haiti has suffered as a country and they continue to suffer. Yes, there's an upcoming election, but the country has a long history of corruption that will take generations to change. Because of this suffering, these people have developed perseverance, character, and hope. The kids at MdL may have lost mothers and fathers and any normal semblance of family, but they have a trust in God that inspires. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.

I took a huge leap of faith this summer in (completely) stepping out of my comfort zone. I left behind family and friends and gave up my vacation for the unknown. And while I would like to take credit for any of it, I know that it wasn't my decision or plan at all. I think about all the experiences in my life that have been preparing me for Haiti, and it's no coincidence that they all came together so perfectly.

And the transition back into "my life"? I don't feel the need to rush around, and relationships are more important than ever. I haven't found any reason to go to Target, and I probably went to Target 6 times before leaving for Haiti. I feel a peace and calmness in my life that wasn't there before, and I feel my faith is stronger than ever.

I've heard from many people who followed my blog, and it's an honor to know that so many took the time to read about my experience. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! If you are interested in learning more about what Child Hope is doing in the lives of these precious children, you can follow their updates or support their ministry at http://www.childhope.org/

I don't know what happens next, and that's the beauty of trusting God. I do know that life will never be quite the same, and I'm okay with that.

Back in the US

Made it to Miami safely!

Sent from my iPhone

Last day thoughts

It's been a fantastic last day. The last beach trip, the last worship service, the last application of bug spray. It was surprisingly less tearful than I thought, and I know that I've made lifelong friends with everyone who has been part of this experience.

My flight leaves at 9:15 tomorrow morning ... next update from Miami!

Less than 48 hours to go

This morning was our last chapel service. The visiting team from Washington ran the service with worship and a message about the different ways we worship God. They waved worship flags and the kids got to make their own flags during crafts this afternoon. After the service, I stood before the crowd of students, teachers, and visitors and gave my last words as principal. I also had the honor of dismissing kids for the rest of the day and letting them know about our field trip to Club Indigo tomorrow (aka the beach). Cheers echoed through the streets of Haiti ... okay, the kids were excited.

Early dismissal provided time for Jessica, Bethany, and me to (somewhat) organize the school. We selected pages from the kids' Community Circle notebooks as a step in creating a book of sorts to remember the summer. As we worked in the kitchen/classroom, Anderson entertained us with a variety of talents. Half the time I don't think he knew what he was saying, but we were laughing like crazy. Jessica tried to catch him on video, but he always outsmarted us. There's something about Anderson that reminds us of Chris Tucker, and if you've ever watched any Chris Tucker movies, you know what I mean.

After flag making, I chatted with some of the older kids including two of the boys from my Community Circle class. (That's Elysee and Walgens with me in the photo.) They took their Haitian exams last week and have been excused from classes this week, but I've missed our conversations. Elysee is very inquisitive about schools in the United States and can't believe that I teach at a school with over 2,000 students. Walgens has been working hard with one of the other boys as they have a t-shirt making business. They don't produce in large volumes, but I am bringing home their newest design.

I spent some time this afternoon organizing, sorting, and packing. I arrived with over 100 pounds of luggage ... two suitcases busting at the seams, a back pack, and a carry on. After packing about 70% of my belongings, I have filled most of my smaller suitcase. I have some dirty laundry, toiletries, and souvenirs to help fill the larger suitcase, and I am thankful there won't be an overage charge on the way home! Thank you God!

Forty-eight hours from now I'll be on a plane, somewhere over the US on my way home. In the meantime, pray for safe travels to and from the beach tomorrow and a fun-filled, last day with the kids.

Rubberbands

Here's a picture of Lukenson and me playing rubberbands a couple days ago.

The game is quite simple. One person throws a rubberband and the other person tries to throw their rubberband on top. It's sort of like bocce ball ... Jessica came up with the great analogy. The kids get pretty excited when they're playing, and Lukenson likes to move forward with each throw so he's closer to the prize. He has the most adorable laugh when he wins ... okay, his laugh is adorable every time I hear it. Sometimes he cheats and takes two turns in a row or doesn't give me my fair share of the winnings, but then he starts laughing, and it doesn't even matter.

I'm feeling much better today and trying to enjoy the last few days with the kids. I received some encouraging emails today, and had a heart-to-heart conversation with Jamie and Brooke about how I was feeling. They've been through it all (multiple times), and said that my frustration was normal. I am blessed by their wisdom and Haiti experience.

School was great, but it's hard to mess up the last day of school. Tomorrow is chapel, we are dismissing the kids early, and we have a surprise beach trip planned for Friday.

Tonight we're headed to Petionville for dinner and ice cream!

Current state

I'm feeling frustrated and ready to come home, and trying to find balance between those emotions and completing what I'm here to do.

Tomorrow is our last full day of school, and then we have some fun activities planned for Thursday and Friday.

I keep thinking about packing ... but it's only Tuesday.

Monday moments

Here are a few notable moments from today:

1. Started school without diesel (and subsequently power). Yesterday Anderson told me that we were out of gas, and when I said I would talk to Marlvarl, he said, "Not now, he's going to play soccer!" Diesel arrived around 8:30 am, and Marlvarl got to enjoy his soccer game. I have also learned that it's very Haitian to wait until the last minute to ask for anything.

2. Patrick was over at the guest house this afternoon, and I jokingly mentioned that he just wanted our ice; he comes at least once a day and fills up his cup with ice. He said that I was correct. There's a Haitian philosophy that if you have two, then I (he) can take one. We have lots of ice ... so he takes some.

3. I announced that today is Jeff's birthday. He disagreed and told us (the whole school) that it is in October. Susette double-checked his birth certificate, and it IS today. I asked him about it after school since we always make a cake and put together a gift for birthdays. I don't know if he was being shy or if he just doesn't like birthdays. We're planning to celebrate after dinner.

4. Watched about 20 minutes of Planet Earth with the 1st and 2nd graders. I quickly realized that they were seeing squirrels mate and then get attacked by other animals. In another scene an animal's head was torn off then stored for later. Was I the only one disturbed by this content?

5. Woke up cold. That's right, COLD! The team that arrived on Saturday finished the installation of an air conditioning unit that the team from San Diego started before they left. Less confusing than it sounds. I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that my top sheet wasn't keeping me warm enough. Somehow I managed, because I slept through my alarm. I was quickly reminded of the Haiti heat when I walked out of my room to go to school.

Lessons at church and letters of apology

The past few Sundays at church I sat in the front and usually ended up escorting small children to the bathroom. It's hard to follow the message when you miss a large chunk in the middle. Today I thought I would follow Jessica's advice (after experiencing the bathroom visits herself), so we sat in the back next to Brittany and Asher. Brittany is from California, and she just moved back to Haiti with her husband Rod and their 11 month old Asher (he's the cutie in the picture). The kids love Asher, so Cendy and Daphne shared the chair next to me. Daphne asked if she could make a picture, so in addition to the darling photo of her and Asher, I have photos of many random people at church. I wish I could say I caught more of the message. The little girls didn't ask to go to the bathroom, but they provided plenty of distractions.

This afternoon I ventured back to the boys' home, and at first it was the same chilly reception as yesterday. Marckendy, Richard, and Keso approached me hesitantly and quickly handed me the following notes of apology.

Dear Kelly
I am sorry because I do a lot of trouble.
Love Keso

Dear Kelly
I am sorry because I was mean with you and I want you to pray for me that you will be my friend and I love you so much.
Love Marckendy

Dear Kelly
How are you doing? I am sorry because I wasn't talk to you. I will miss you. I love you so much. God will make a way for you. You are so kind to me. I will cry for you when you leave. Thank you because you come in Haiti to help us. Thank you for giving me sentences. This time I need you to give me more like 100 times.
Richard

It was nice to get some resolve after yesterday. The kids have a difficult time understanding that discipline is love, and sometimes it takes them a day (or so) to come back around. After reading their notes, I enjoyed some bocce bands (kind of like bocce ball with rubberbands) with Lukenson, pushed some kids on the swings, and had an enjoyable afternoon. Now that's more like it!

Voted off the island?!?

When I visit the boys, there is normally a warm greeting followed by hugs, questions, and loud voices. Today I heard crickets. Chirp chirp, chirp chirp. The older boys were talking to me, but the little boys were silent. Now that's strange. I sat there for a while thinking that they would eventually come around.

Still waiting ...

Schneider asked if I talked to Susette about the little boys being disrespectful, which I had, and he said that was why they weren't talking. He also said he was going to talk to them (thank you Schneider!). Yesterday's behavior at chapel wasn't great ... and the teachers did meet with Susette. Now I know what it feels like to be a contestant on Survivor who was just voted off the island.

On the flip side, my time with the girls was exceptionally good. Oline threw her arms around me, Christella smiled; they were happy to see me. Daphne was her usual darling self and then fell asleep on my lap during worship. Pharra, Isguerda, and Katiana shared their gifts of song; we prayed, and I asked God to tender the hearts of the little boys.

And in honor of my last week, I (finally) opened the bag of Sour Patch Kids!

Can you say tourists?

Arielle, Brooke, and I took a toursit-type picture with the chicken at Epidor. Check out the enormous ice cream cone! Epidor reminds me of the food court at a mall. There was an area for pizza, an area for sandwiches, an area for burgers, and a couple areas for desserts. Unfortunately we were too full to get ice cream (sounds like an oxymoron, I know), so we stopped at Eagle Market to get ice cream for after dinner. Normally I wouldn't hesitate to spend money on ice cream, but I couldn't fathom spending 330 Haitian dollars on a pint of frozen goodness. That's about $8.50 US, so I opted for some dark chocolate instead.

And why were we not at school on this beautiful summer day? School was cancelled after we got word of manifestations in Port-au-Prince. This is an election year in Haiti, and there were political protests that may have prevented our Haitian teachers from getting to and from school. As for our safety, Pastor Dave (and many others) have said, "It's the safest place in the world if that's where God wants you to be."

Power on, power off

The first few nights I was here, I slept with earplugs to muffle the noises of Haiti ... fans blowing, dogs barking, and roosters ... making rooster noises? The word escapes me. There's also the soft hum of the generator reminding me that the power is out. Losing power has become a regular occurrence, and by regular I mean ALL the time.

The guest house operates on battery power, and on most nights, we get city power (aka EDH). If the batteries are not sufficiently charged and/or there is no EDH, we are on generator power. Please don't ask for a more scientific explanation. What I've learned about generators is that they are loud and produce heat. Add that to the current inside temperature of 91.4 degrees (51% humidity) and you've got yourself a party.

Energy is a little different at school in that generator is always on. Today, not so much.

The day started with me covering the 2nd grade class because Mr. Luchner wasn't there. About thirty minutes into 3-digit addition and subtraction, Katrina poured glue on my chair. Tibo and Keso alerted me before I sat in the sticky stuff, and I quickly escorted her to Mr. Ivens (new Haitian principal for the fall). We continued with math and then headed off to recess. Recess occurred without incident (I think), and then it was time for Community Circle.

At about 10:15 the fans stopped turning. Hmm ... I can still hear the generator. We made an executive decision to dismiss classes for the day, notified the teachers, and then watched as the fans turned on and off, over and over. The power may have stayed on after that, but trying to get 40 kids to come back to school when they aren't thrilled to be there in the first place is like herding cats.

As for the noise, it's become part of the ambiance. When it's time to sleep, I put on my headphones, set the sleep timer, and head off to dreamland.

Clarification on yesterday's post and recovery of lost pants!

This morning I got an email from my mom saying that she and my dad didn't understand my cryptic post from yesterday. So, I reread it and in addition to being (purposely) vague, it's a little fragmented. Here's another version.

1. Opened card from Priscilla


2. Found money


3. Note encouraged me to bless someone else with said money


4. Question asked, "Will I be obedient?"

Then I wrote about being obedient and waiting on God's timing, but I may not have articulated myself very well or connected my body paragraphs to my thesis. How's that for an explanation?

On an entirely unrelated note, I finally found the pair of pants I was wearing when I arrived. You may be wondering how one goes about losing their pants in Haiti, and there's a perfectly logical explanation. That's Haiti logic of course. As a longer-term guest (as opposed to a week-long guest), I can put my laundry out three days a week. It's sounds cushy, and I feel very blessed that someone other than my Maytag is willing to wash my sweaty clothes.

Clothing is hand washed, wrung out (sometimes a little stretched out), and then put on the line on the roof. They don't use clothes pins, and gravity holds them on the line as long the clothing is wet. I was warned that some articles of clothing may blow away or end up in the barbed wire around the perimeter of the property. As of this afternoon, there were two items from my wardrobe that were MIH (Missing in Haiti). Jamie suggested that I look in the Costume Closet aka donation room, and I found my missing pants! I have yet to locate that $2 tank top from Old Navy, but I still have 9 days to go.

What would you do?

This morning at breakfast I remembered that I didn't open my card from Priscilla last night. What an exciting Tuesday morning treat! As I broke the seal on the envelope, I noticed that there was something familiar inside. For a second I was excited, and as I read her note I realized that the contents were not for me. So, I've been brainstorming all day ... who do I give it to? Should there be some sort of criteria for selection? How will I know?

I shared my dilemma with Caitlin, and she said that I would know when it's time (thanks Pumpkin). Her response and this situation remind me of the importance of waiting on God's timing. Too often we (read I) become impatient and want things to happen when we're ready. This trip has provided many reminders that my plans are not always the same as what God wants for me.

Micah 7:7 says, "But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord; I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."

To do list vs. What I did list

What I intended to accomplish at school today versus what actually happened:

1. Prepare Community Circle notebooks ... started on this project, then assigned it to a student who was asked to leave class. Is using a glue stick punishment?

2. Work with Lukenson on intervention ... was busy supervising student mentioned above as well as another student who was asked to leave a different class. I was so excited about making progress on the alphabet. Hopefully tomorrow is different.

3. Visit with younger kids during morning recess ... made a quick appearance, provided snacks, then rushed back to my office (kitchen) to continue supervising a student finishing work and writing sentences. In the meantime, counseled another student who tried to tell me that his teacher ate his snack.

4. Teach Community Circle class to the 6th grade boys ... they were off site in preparation for their government exams. I took the opportunity to run back (figuratively of course) to the guest house for a water refill and relay a message about school needs (diesel, Clorox, and dish soap) to Fritz and Erta.

4. Breathe for a few minutes before older kid recess ... ACCOMPLISHED!

5. Supervise older kid recess and observe positive behavior ... played referee to older kids, counseled crying girls who wanted to jump rope, put kids in time out (though I didn't time them), had a quick chat with kids about playing nice or losing recess, then supervised a student writing sentences about playing nice ... I guess the chat didn't work.

And at this point, it was only 10:30 a.m.

Friendship

Today I was reading a newsletter/devotional from Girlfriends in God and it was all about friendships. One of the passages highlighted our need for such relationships, and rather than reinvent the wheel, here it is:

"We all need friends. We need people in our lives that will love us where we are and help us get to a place of higher living. We need friends that will hold us accountable to God's standards -- friends that sharpen us."

I'll be honest, I miss my friends. God has blessed my life with amazing friends who make me wiser and better. They know all the quirky things about me that make me who I am. They know how to read between the lines of what I say. They know that my lack of a response is a response in and of itself. They know how to give me the honest truth even when I don't want to hear it. And they are always there to celebrate the happy times.

The friendships I've made since I've been here have provided much of the same love and support that I'm used to back home. Gods knows the needs of my heart and he provides. Over the past three weeks I have developed new friendships. And while some of the connections may be transitory, I know that others will be part of my life forever. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds me of the importance of friendship, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"

So thank you for listening, thank you for laughing, thank you for helping me up when I needed it. I am grateful for the opportunity to share this amazing experience with you!

Adventures in Wonderland

Saturdays in Haiti are all about change. Not loose change or that kind of change we got about a year and a half ago, it's a transition kind of change. There's either new people coming in or a team going back home. Today was one of those going back home kind of days. But it wasn't just the team from San Diego headed back, it was our co-principal Kamala as well.

We had an ice cream social with the kids today (a belated bday celebration for Caitlin and bon voyage for Kamala), and I've never seen so many boys wanting to help as when Caitlin pulled out the tubs of ice cream. It was chocolate in case you were wondering. Convincing them to wait outside was futile, so we had some extra helpers. Keso set out all the cups and Richard put spoons in them. Several of the kids tried to get an extra serving, but the best was when MarcKendy told me that I would get sick from eating the ice cream. He made a serious effort, but I'm pretty serious about my ice cream. Thanks for the ice cream gene Dad!

The afternoon was quite peculiar, and I did something I never thought I would do in Haiti ... I got a pedicure. There's a lady down the road named Shelly, rhymes with Kelly, and she dropped off some brochures for her salon about a week ago. So our big plan after wishing Kamala and the team safe travels was to check out Papillon (it means butterfly). Brooke got a hair cut, and Alissa and I got pedicures. It wasn't the quickest pedicure I've ever gotten, but my feet have never felt so soft! The polish sparkles in the sun and they are dirt free. I had sort of given up on my signature toes picture given the previous state of my piggies, but there is now hope.

And as my adventures in Wonderland continued (did you catch the Alice reference Bee?), we sat down to an amazing feast for dinner. Jamie and Alissa prepared filet mignon with garlic and grilled onions, corn on the cob, and homemade biscuits. Now we all have happy bellies and have retreated to the living room for movie night. We also have a stowaway from the San Diego team. Arielle has joined our bunch for an extra week and we have welcomed her into our little family.

Trip to Wahoo Bay, a very large bruise, and a very small world

Jamie and I escaped to Wahoo Bay beach today. Okay, the San Diego team had a beach day planned, and we joined them, along with Mr. Bill, Ari, and Elijah. As you can see it's quite picturesque and the tranquil turquoise waters were mesmerizing. Can you tell I love the Caribbean?

Our entrance fee included lunch and some water activities, so we quickly jumped on a boat for a snorkeling adventure. Jumped might not be the best word as I slipped getting into the boat. Not my most graceful moment, but I tried to play it off and pretend it didn't hurt and I didn't need a great big hug. I now have a bruise the size of Texas, and in the words of Diene, "My butt hurts!"

Snorkeling was good. Saw some fish, saw some coral, saw a part of Haiti that isn't crumbling. Such a stark contrast from Port-au-Prince. After lunch Ari and I saw a man on the beach playing worship music, so we swam (waded) over and joined him. As it turns out, his name is Ricky and Ari knows him. People from the beach came over from time to time, Elijah made sand angels (like snow angels but with sand), and we worshiped God in the most amazing location ever.

The ride home was long, we hit traffic, and were caught in a thunderstorm. Jamie and I were in the cab of the truck with Mr. Bill, and we watched as the team huddled together in the cage to create a shelter of sorts with their beach towels. The lightening lit up the sky as day turned to night, and we arrived home in time for a traditional Haitian dinner.

I didn't realize how much I would miss seeing the kids today. I went over for a quick visit after dinner, got the hugs I needed earlier in the day, and heard all about their day at school.

As I was finishing this post, a gentleman named Bob walked into the guest house. Bob is connected with the Hands and Feet Project in Jacmel, Haiti. The same Bob that Pastor Jesse knows, and the same project that VMC supports ... it's such a small world!

One of the best days yet!

Today has been one of the best days yet. It started when I woke up and realized that I had slept for SEVEN hours. That's seven hours in a row, not collectively over the course of several days.

There was no detention for the second consecutive day, and we didn't have any major issues at school. Diene complained that his butt hurt, but he must say that three times an hour. And his voice seriously sounds like Sebastian from The Little Mermaid. It's really quite endearing.

This afternoon I enjoyed some quiet time on the roof, skyped with the BFFs, and reflected on pretty much everything. I thought back to when I first applied to come here, and I'm amazed at how this experience has affected me. I've blogged about perspective, but I've stayed away from the emotions. I glanced through the pictures of the kids on the Child Hope website prior to coming, and I heard people talk about this kid or that kid, but I didn't get it.

Tears fell from my eyes the day I first met the kids. They were no longer faces on a website. They were God's children, and He was entrusting me with them for the summer. I felt so honored, and I knew in that instant I was supposed to be here. They looked up at me with their big, brown eyes and I melted. It was day one and I knew I was going to fall in love. So I jumped in, head first, and I haven't looked back. Yes their individual stories are heartbreaking, and the adversity they have overcome is the stuff we as Americans can only imagine. Their personalities tell a different story. They are stories of hope. They are stories of young girls and boys who love Jesus. They are stories that will change this country.

There's so much more to Haiti than what the media has shown us. Piles of rubble from the earthquake stand still. Tent cities are reminders of the ongoing struggle to survive. Strangers ask for food, water, and money at least once a day. It's only a couple hundred miles from the US, but it feels like another world.

After an introspective afternoon, we enjoyed some time with the girls. Caitlin brought over art supplies, Daphne and Youdelka took pictures with every camera they could find (I'm talking paparazzi), we took turns loving on Estaline, and we watched as Pastor Josh from San Diego got his hair done in corn rows. You had to be there. We returned to the house in time for dinner, and enjoyed a beautiful sunset on the roof.

Tomorrow is the end of another week. We will have some tearful goodbyes as the first of our teacher team departs for home, but we will celebrate knowing that we are united in God's love no matter where we are.

Getting flowers and feeling the love

Today I got flowers from MarcKendy and Oline. No, they weren't flowers picked from the neighbor's garden, and they weren't from 1800flowers.com either. They were hand-made, colorful, tissue paper flowers. The blossoms were vibrant pink, turquoise, and green with a cleverly affixed pipe cleaner stem. They won't wilt in the Haitian sun, unlike me, and I could possibly have them forever.

So, here's how it happened. I came back from the guest house and they were waiting in my office, which is really the kitchen ... and part of Caitlin's classroom. Anyway, Kamala said that the flowers were from MarcKendy. I wandered down to Miss Jessica's classroom and thanked the sweet boy. I learned that they actually had been made by Oline, and MarcKendy traded his morning snack for them. He gave up cookies to give me flowers! Later in the day Oline gave me another bunch of flowers. I felt so loved!

On another note, my Community Circle class is the best. This forty-minute period allows us to study and share our thoughts on carefully selected scriptures. Last week we focused on discipline and this week we are all about love. I work with Anderson, Jonas, Elysee, Walgens, Ti-John, Marc, Evans, Schneider, and Davis. These young men are currently studying for their 6th grade government exams, so CC is a nice break in the day. I'm guessing their test is kind of like the STAR, yet there's no API score, similar school ranking, or funding attached. Nevertheless, it's a big deal. They even had to have official photographs taken and they have to dress up.

Back to CC. The boys have been pouring out their hearts in their writing and discussions. We talk, we pray, and we pass the fish (you have to have the fish in order to talk, and it's a really cool multi-colored fish). I got a special note from Anderson today thanking me for everything I've done and telling me that I am a blessing to him. And here I feel like he's a blessing to me!

Rambling

It's late, I'm exhausted (it's Tuesday ... see yesterday's post for clarification), and I know that I'm not going to be able to fall asleep anytime soon. There are so many things I want to write about (and even more on my mind), but I don't know how to articulate what I'm feeling. That's right, the English teacher is at a loss for words.

I could write about the highs and lows of the day. I started to write about self-control, but I couldn't control my thoughts enough to focus them on the page. I wanted to write about expectations and how I need to adjust my expectations for people and situations (myself included), but I wasn't sure where to start and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get the message quite right. How's that for an expectation. I feel like my emotions are sort of (read ALL) over the place today.

I'm in the second half of my trip, meaning I have been here more days than I have left before I go home. I'm not ready to shift into countdown mode, and I know that sometime in the next 16 days I need to think about what happens next. That's another post.

We celebrated Caitlin's birthday today. We sang Happy Birthday to her during announcements, and in my best co-principal voice, I asked students to be extra nice to her today. And they were. I took paper around to all the classes and asked them to make cards, and the students were so thoughtful. The 1st and 2nd graders mostly drew pictures, and one of them drew a picture of Jesus holding the 10 Commandments. It must be noted that he was copying a picture from a coloring book. There were also pictures of an elephant's trunk, me, Caitlin, and an apple tree. Caitlin loved her cards!

And while there is more I want to share about today, I just realized it's after midnight, and my eyes are getting heavy. Yay sleep!

Thank you God for a beautiful day!

Monday love

I like Mondays. It’s the start of a new week, I am energized from a weekend of rest, and it usually takes me until Tuesday to feel tired from having two days off work. So if I’m tired tomorrow, you’ll know why. Mondays in Haiti are similar to those back home in that it’s the start of a new week. In Haiti, my energy level can be affected by the heat (hot or really hot); at home, it’s affected by the marine layer (gotta love Ventura). And because today is Monday, I get to open a card from Priscilla.

Priscilla is my best friend Evonne’s older sister. Say that three times fast. Seriously though, she is like a big sister. Priscilla is the queen of hospitality, partially because she has the largest house in the Ramirez clan, and she always makes me feel like part of the family. I don’t have a personalized coffee mug or Christmas stocking, but I have been introduced as a cousin on occasion. Don’t you see the family resemblance?

Today’s card was exactly what I needed to read. I noticed that it was a Valentine’s Day card, and I thought it was cute, in a funny, did you know this was a Valentine’s Day card kind of way. When I read her message it said, “Treat today like Valentine’s Day. Give someone extra love.” Awwww. I thought about the love I shared today, and unknowingly, I did just what she said.

I gave hugs. I listened. I smiled. I laughed. I received a heartfelt gift from a child. I fellowshipped (it’s a verb, right?). I played dominoes and lost graciously. I got pinched and tried not to complain too much. I stayed after school for three boys who wanted to take a test. I made new friends. I talked to mom. I shared my love.

“Knowing God leads to self-control. Self-control to patient endurance, and patient endurance leads to godliness. Godliness leads to love for other Christians, and … for everyone.” 2 Peter 1:6-7.

It’s all about love. Thank you Priscilla!

Choosing to see the glass as half-full

Every day I am faced with choices, and I am constantly reminding my students that they have choices as well. Usually the choices placed before them have to do with modifying behavior or completing an assignment. And I suppose this is no different. I can choose to see the glass as half-full and rejoice in what the Lord is doing in my life, or I can allow Satan to take charge of my thinking and thereby my actions. I don't know about you, but I don't have time for half-empty glasses!

I am here to help, to teach, to love, and to minister to these beautiful children. I am here to make a difference, one step at a time, and praise God every step of the way. I am here for a reason, and by golly, nothing will get in my way. The bugs, the heat, and the constant influx of people in my personal space may dampen my spirit, but God will give me strength. "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10.

So, I'm going to celebrate some the encounters that have warmed my heart this weekend. Such as ...

• receiving five rubber band bracelets and an origami boat from Keso;
• holding Ti-Bo as he slept on my lap during Saturday night worship at the boys' house (by the way, great message Marlval)
• getting beat at dominoes by Lukenson (even if he was trying to cheat);
• catching Cendy as she used my body as a gymnastics mat for her flips and tricks; and
• listening to Caitlin's version of Rod Stewart and Celine Dion every hour on the hour (thank you pumpkin).

Tomorrow is a new day, and remember, you have a choice.

Girls' Day Out

Today was an awesome day (Click on picture to see our adventure)! We woke up at our leisure to a cooler than normal morning, and we wanted to do something fun since Kamala heads back to California next week. Erta gave us the name and number of driver and we hired him for the day. We planned to leave at 2, but we're on Haitian time, so he picked us up around 3:30.

Our first stop was Eagle Market, and we picked up some snacks and exchanged money. Then we headed to an outdoor market. I was thinking something along the lines of a farmers' market. Oh no! There were people everywhere selling their wares on the side of the road (everything from food to car batteries). I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people, and I was thankful to be inside the car. I didn't feel safe, and I didn't understand some of the teachers who were expressing thoughts opposite of mine. Did you not see the desperation I saw? The ride through this area only lasted a few minutes, but it felt like hours.

Fritz commented that this was a bad place in Haiti, and that he would take us to a better place. A place where we could get out of the car (praise God!). We stopped at a market with baskets and baskets of fresh fruit. It was closer to what I was expecting, and a few of the girls made purchases. As we were getting back in the car, we saw a wall painted with hands in prayer position asking Obama for change. Fritz asked us a few questions. We provided our perspective. Feel free to insert your own commentary.

Our next stop was for souvenirs ... can you say tourist trap? We saw people that looked like us, we bartered for goods, and then Fritz helped us barter some more. I bought a painting, and after I paid for it, the other merchants kept hassling me to buy THEIR paintings. They were relentless. We gave Fritz the look, and we got back in the car and headed for food.

Bethany knew of an Italian restaurant with really good ice cream. The weather cooled off and Alissa even got goose bumps! After our pizza and pasta, we enjoyed a myriad of ice cream flavors for dessert ... chocolate, mango, pineapple, and my favorite, coconut. It was a perfect end to a fabulous day!

Two weeks in

It's been two weeks since I left Ventura, and while this experience is providing fulfillment beyond measure, there are some things I miss.

Here are a few that made the cut (not necessarily the top three, but seemingly important).

1. The morning routine of a cup of coffee while watching some sort of news/morning talk show (I don't miss the news as much as I miss the routine).

2. Staying clean for more than 5 minutes after a shower (the cold water isn't so bad, but the chlorinated water trickles out at a snail's pace).

3. Knowing that I can see the people I love at a moment's notice, though the friendships I've made will last a lifetime. Who else will understand TIH???

There are also some things that have made my stay in Haiti quite pleasant.

1. The kindness of everyone associated with this ministry. Thank you Child Hope!

2. Lots and lots of hugs.

3. The feeling that I'm where God wants me to be.

Junior's message at chapel this morning focused on the book of Matthew, and it was an important reminder to stay focused on my work here in Haiti. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Lukenson

Lukenson is one of the kids I work with in the mornings, and I wanted to dedicate an entire blog entry to him. He has an infectious smile and the greatest laugh! This little 7 year old is fairly new to the orphanage. He doesn't speak much English, but that doesn't stop him from sharing his love. We have been working on the ABC's, and I shared some of my teacher concerns about him in an earlier post.

He ran to the door when I went to get him this morning, and he quickly started forming his letters (he was faster than Cendy today). He needed a little help with the letter J, but I was so impressed with his progress. To say I was a proud teacher is an understatement. Check out the pictures of his work. (Click on the picture to see more)

This afternoon I went to visit the boys and Lukenson ran up to me, jumped into my arms, and yelled my name! I had heard he was a skilled domino player, so I asked him if he wanted to play. He put on his serious face, and the little stinker beat me! And no, I didn't let him win. We played for a while, and at some point he picked up one of my sayings and said "my goodness"! My goodness is right. Then he pulled over a trunk of sorts and climbed in, so I pulled it around the play area like he was on a roller coaster. He smiled and laughed and we both had fun!

This little bundle of sweetness has warmed my heart and shown me that despite everything that has happened in this country, God is good.

Kid stories from today

1. Made play dough letters with Cendy and Lukenson. Lukenson has started saying "good job" because that's what I tell him when he does something well. We got to letter J today with the help of fruit snacks as a reward.

2. Explained to Diene that there's a better way to ask to go to the restroom instead of "I need to poop". Haitian kids aren't shy about sharing their needs. A few minutes later Clairmond asked if he could please use the restroom.

3. Escorted Keso outside to pick up trash after calling a teacher a disrespectful name. Picking up trash is quite the embarrassment, and Keso complained the whole time.

4. Tasted some random fruit thing that Clairmond, Daniel, and Diene assured me I would like. Not so much. It must be an acquired taste.

5. Listened to Chabine, Cherline, Chedline, Christella, and Love-Mitha sing a song about seeds in Alissa's science class. They sounded so beautiful!

6. Helped Junior define vocabulary words in his novel. He was sitting in a rocking chair and reading while the other kids were playing dominos. He even had his own dictionary!

7. Looked at the pictures Caitlin's photography students took this afternoon. They saw a newborn goat on the side of the road. The mom was close by with the placenta still attached.

8. Tried to encourage Richard to write his sentences after he was sent out of Miss Jessica's class. He was mumbling something in Creole I didn't understand, not that I understand much Creole in the first place (Koman ou ye?)

9. Read and discussed the story of Jonah to the younger boys' Bible class when their teacher didn't show up (they must not have Smart Find). I felt well-versed after the first few summer services at VMC, but I didn't have the cool VeggieTales video.

10. Jeff told me I was mean. When I asked why, he said he didn't know, and then he gave me a big smile.

On a separate note, I got to Skype with my parents and Evonne! Oh, happy day!

I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

Check out the beautiful flower clip! Alissa's elective class put together these lovely hair adornments, and Chabine gave me one. Okay, I asked her to make it for me. So despite feeling sweaty and itchy, I now feel pretty. Thank you Chabine!

As for an update on the itchiness, there was no change this morning. However, several doses of Benadryl, ibuprofen, and antibiotics have made the afternoon more tolerable (my legs are a little numb to tell you the truth).

I worked with my four intervention kids this morning, and it broke my heart when Lukenson couldn't write the alphabet. We started a writing journal today, and they traced upper and lower case letters. All the kids (Cendy, Lixson, Davidson, and Lukenson) were able to accomplish this task with ease. When I asked them to write the letters on their own, Lukenson couldn't write more than A, B, and C. I didn't know what to do. Jessica suggested play dough to help develop his fine motor skills. At first Lukenson was angry that I pulled him out of the computer lab, but after a while, he was having fun (at least it looked like he was). He identified the colors, and we created the letters A, B, C, D, E, and F together. We also reviewed the letter names and their sounds. It was great progress, but I feel so sad that this sweet 7 year old boy struggles so much. Please keep Lukenson in your prayers.

A few of the boys in my Community Circle class have been asking questions about schools in California. There's a map of the US in the classroom, and I pointed out Ventura to them. They were curious about the size of my school, what happens to students when they misbehave, and how good the boys' soccer team is. Then one of them asked something about Jesus and school. I tried to explain the separation of church and state, and they were dumbfounded. They couldn't comprehend a school where you can't talk about Jesus. Sometimes I feel the same way.

Aside from that, it's been a pretty ordinary day here in Haiti. I watched a goat graze on the side of the road. I watched a woman light a pile of trash on fire across the street. I watched boys open their hearts to Jesus in prayer in school. And now I'm watching the sky light up during a thunderstorm.

There once was an itch

I woke up around 1:30 this morning and my legs were itching more than usual, so I climbed down from my bed, stumbled into the bathroom, and applied copious amounts of anti-itch lotion. Normally this would calm the itchiness, normally being the operative word. When I woke again with the same fiery itchiness at 5:30, I said a little prayer and tried to get one more hour of sleep before the day began. Upon examining my legs after my colder than usual shower, I noticed an abundance of new bug bites. Not the garden variety mosquito bite, but something different. Something larger, something itchier, something unknown.

The pain and itchiness became more intense as the day progressed. I walked back to the guest house during second period to talk to nurse Brooke. She gave me half a Benadryl (a whole pill would put me to sleep) and told me where I could find some ointment in the clinic. After applying the recommended amount, I felt a tiny amount of relief. I kept thinking that the Benadryl would kick in and I wouldn't feel like I was ready to jump out of my skin. So much for thinking. It got worse. The pain, the redness, the itchiness, the feeling that something was attacking me. I sat through lunch detention with three girls who were tardy this morning, and counted down the minutes until I could retreat to the guest house where Kamala had frozen towels waiting for me. Brooke recommended more Benadryl, so after lunch I followed the nurse's orders, and then had a long afternoon nap. Kamala and the teachers handled the afternoon electives. Thank you ladies!

So what happened next you may ask, I woke up to more pain and itching. I grabbed the frozen towels, and logged onto Web MD to see if I could diagnose myself. Again, so much for thinking. It could be mosquitoes, it could be spiders, but it was most definitely not the good looking blood sucker named Edward Cullen (read the Twilight saga). Back to square one. I had a little pity party, decided that crying wasn't going to solve anything, and opened my card from Priscilla (it's Monday). Of course the card made me cry, but at least I was crying over something other than the pain.

Jessica and I enjoyed some time over at the boys' home before dinner. They were playing soccer, dodge ball, and showing off their dance moves. It was a nice change from some of the dance styles I've seen back home and an even better diversion from my legs (even though the boys kept asking what was wrong). Dinner was chicken stir fry, and then I got ready for a Skype date with my mom. Unfortunately I couldn't hear her because of technical difficulties, but we're going to try again tomorrow. It's almost 8, the pain and itching are still bugging the heck out of me (you laughed, didn't you?), and I have a date with the shower and some more Benadryl. Good night!

A beautiful Sunday!

As you can see, Jamie and I were successful at making corn tortillas from scratch. They were a little misshapen, and the first few were on the thick side, but they tasted awesome! It was like a party for our taste buds (a very happy party). The enchilada sauce tasted better than the stuff in a can (duh), our chicken enchiladas were quite amazing, and we even had guacamole. Patrick, one of the older boys, even gave us the Haitian approval. We all have happy bellies, and Jamie is making Rice Krispy Treats for dessert! Then we are going to retreat to the "snuggle sanctuary" (last night's veggie pit) and watch another movie or a few episodes of The Office.

We had a great time cooking this afternoon. We chatted about life, music, and food. After the food was in the oven, Jamie took a few tortillas and threw them in a frying pan with butter, onions, and salt, and then we dipped them in the enchilada sauce and guacamole. WOW! We didn't share this little delicacy with the others, so mum's the words!

This morning was church at Port-au-Prince Fellowship. We packed up the kids in the white truck and merrily we rolled along. Worship provided the some of the same songs from home, but there were a few variations from VMC, like songs in French and English, and it was missing the great guitar work from Pastor Josh and the 11th Hour worship band. The pastor was from Boston (he said wicked), and he provided a message about seizing the day and not letting the day seize us, and how God doesn't ask us to understand, he just wants us to obey. He quoted Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It was a fitting message to help us focus on what we need to do this week.

Tomorrow starts my second week, and I feel more prepared than seven days ago. And while the bug bites are still quite annoying, the heat has somewhat subsided (it's been raining all day), and my spirit is strong.

Quiet time

One of the things I was concerned about before this trip was personal reflection time. With the guest house busting at the seams with missions teams from Washington and Biola, it seemed unlikely that I would find any. Au contraire!

On Friday we cancelled school because the Washington team blessed the students, teachers, and staff with a trip to the beach. Going to the beach in Haiti is much different than the states, and because of safety issues, going to the beach means going to a resort at about $35 US per person. We have about 50 kids. Do the math. And while playing in the tranquil turquoise waters of the Caribbean is normally what I dream about, I stayed home. Home being the guest house. You are probably thinking that I'm crazy and that I missed an enormous opportunity, and I'll agree. However, yours truly was so incredibly car sick after the field trip to Double Harvest that I voluntarily chose to skip the beach. I couldn't imagine getting back in the car.

Staying home was just what I needed. I lounged in my pjs, washed some laundry in the bathroom sink, touched up my pedicure (the rocks and rubble had already chipped the pretty purple polish), took a nap, uploaded pictures to Picassa, downloaded recipes, and did some reading. It started raining around 2:30 and the little bit of water cooled everything off. Everyone got back from the beach around dinner time, and the next thing I knew, it was time for bed.

Today was much of the same. The missions teams from Washington and Biola left this morning, and we have a few days with just us (6 teachers, 1 nurse, and an awesome guest house manager).

Jamie, Kamala and I went to the store with Mr. Bill and bought food for the next few days. Jamie and I are going to try to make enchilada sauce and corn tortillas from scratch tomorrow (no Mexican food in Haiti). I remember trying to make flour tortillas once after watching Evonne's mima make them with ease; unfortunately, mine looked like thick puzzle pieces and didn't taste quite right. The masa flour we bought even has a recipe in case the internet one is no bueno. Say a prayer for our cooking endeavor tomorrow!

This afternoon it rained again, and after we all emerged from our lazy Saturday afternoon naps, we piled mattresses in the living area into what Jamie calls a "veggie pit" and the movie marathon is on. We don't have a TV, so imagine eight people crowded around a small computer screen. I think we might even make popcorn on the stove (no microwave).

As for finding personal reflection time, the last two days were fabulous. I feel rested and ready to start another week, I'm learning how to cope with the heat, the bugs are biting less, and the friendships are getting stronger. I love my Haiti family! Missing you all, but loving every minute of my time here.

Pictures from the first week

Click on this picture and it will take you to my Picassa album.

On any given day at school in Haiti

Today was a normal (not normal to you and I, but Haiti normal) school day. What did I do as co-principal? I know what I learned about in my administrative and teaching credential programs, but how well do they match up?

Here's a list of tasks I accomplished today (in a mostly chronological order):

1. Wrote out awards for students of the week (Love-Mitha, Gipson, and Anderson)

2. Greeted kids as they arrived at school and tried to conceal awards as best as possible (they get a certificate and a track medal -- thanks Michele Burns and the BHS track team!)

3. Hugged kids (while greeting them and hiding awards)

4. Presented awards

5. Participated in daily flag ceremony (it's more like watching since they sing in French and my French isn't THAT GOOD)

6. Dismissed kids to first class (and encouraged them to go promptly and not meander)

7. Worked with Cendy and Lukenson on the alphabet (lots of hugs and laughter during this process)

8. Walked around 1st and 2nd grade classes and checked on craft time with visiting missions team from Biola

9. Checked in on other classes and made sure teachers had what they needed (made some copies at some point)

10. Talked to Mr. Ivans the new administrator about language assessments (a new administrator has been hired for the fall, and he's Haitian, yay!)

11. Played with the 1st and 2nd graders at recess (more hugs)

12. Tended to some kid or another who is A) not feeling well, B) not behaving well, or C) all of the above

13. Glued Community Circle topics in notebooks

14. Walked around school and reminded teachers that Community Circle starts in five minutes

15. Taught Community Circle class to the 6th grade boys (they rock!)

16. Walked back to Guest House during older kids' recess to get more water

17. Worked with Junior on GED Prep materials (he wants to take the GED so he can go to college in America)

18. Repeated step 9 (and step 3 over and over again)

19. Talked to Kamala (co-principal) about who has lunch detention and for what reason (we talk all day, but I specifically remember this conversation)

20. Said goodbye to 1st and 2nd graders who leave at noon

21. Observed some of Caitlin's students having a meltdown and suggested alternative assignment (Caitlin had an origami assignment she had planned at some point, and this was that point)

22. Delivered detention notices as graciously as possible

23. Read through Community Circle journals and provided comments to students

24. Rang bell at the end of the 4th period (Kamala and I take turns ringing the bell throughout the day ... it really depends who has less going on at that particular moment)

25. Went to lunch detention and explained the sentences that these students had to write for being late to school and/or not behaving properly in class (they don't like to write sentences!)

26. Walked back to the guest house for lunch, realized there was no gluten free option, and just as I was about to open a protein bar, got invited to go to the girls' home for lunch with Jamie (thank you soooo much!)

27. Ate lunch with the girls (beans and rice and some kind of meat ... took a small bite ... still not sure if I liked it)

28. Six year old climbed on my back and picked her nose with my shirt (seriously, highlight of the day)

29. Walked back to guest house, refilled water bottle, and walked back to school for electives

30. Monitored afternoon elective being taught by visiting team from Biola (some minor disciplining during class)

31. Had an after school chat with four boys who climbed on the roof to pick almonds yesterday (they were well intentioned and said they were picking them for one of the men at the boys' house, and when I said I would go talk to Fritz, they quickly changed their story)

32. Walked back from school, took a cat nap on the porch (from pure exhaustion)

33. Woke up to hear that there was a hornet's nest less than ten feet from where I was sleeping

34. Tended to Marckendy and his cut finger (he was at the guest house helping one of the missions teams build stuff, and he DID NOT like having his cut cleaned and it took close to ten minutes to bandage a tiny cut ... and oh, did he whine!)

I think it was dinner after that ... oh, it's been a long day!

Perspective

I received an email that said this trip must be providing some perspective, so I thought I'd share.

In the American public school system, it is a big no-no to hug students or tell them you love them. At Maison de Lumiere in Haiti, it's not only TOTALLY acceptable, it's expected. The kids love it, the teachers love it, and it's an all-around win-win situation. There are no overzealous, litigious parents ready to pounce on the school with a lawsuit. Does that mean I'm going to shower love on my students come August? Keeping my job is important. That's perspective.

In America we pile our plates with food, eat more than we need (the obesity rate continues to rise), and we throw away excess and spoiled food without too much thought (although it does bother me to throw out produce that I don't get to every week). In Haiti, people go without food, some only get fed a few times a week, and today one of the Haitian kids told me that Americans eat too much. Yes, I know. That's perspective.

In America we have paved roads, some paved better than others granted, but the roads and street signs help us navigate our way from point A to point B. In Haiti, the roads are covered in rubble, rocks, and some areas are like going off-roading. There aren't street signs, and honestly, I would have no idea how to tell anyone how to get where I am. No GPS folks. That's perspective.

At home I have all the water I want to drink, to shower in, and to water my plants (Dad, did you water my tomatoes yesterday?). While it is a precious resource, I don't always think about how I should put more effort into conserving it. When I get into the shower here in Haiti, it's a little faster than a trickle, and there's a bucket so I don't waste any. The kids in the neighborhood ask for water and I can't share, because if I share with one, where does it end? How does a child survive without water when I can turn on the faucet or reach into the refrigerator for a cold bottle of [insert your favorite brand] water? That's perspective.

At my house, Tuesday is trash day. And every other week E.J. Harrison and Sons picks up the yard waste and recycling. Sometimes I forget to put out the trash barrels and other times they sit at the curb for an extra evening because I'm too lazy to bring them in (Haven't you done the same?). Here in Haiti the smell of burning trash permeates the air with an odor I can't even describe. Think toxicity. Piles of trash litter the road. There is no E.J. Harrison and Sons. That's perspective.

I could go on and on. I hope you enjoyed a little perspective for the day.