Reflections on a Life Changing Experience

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:1-5

To say I was more than a little curious about the transition back into "my life" is an understatement. Jamie and I had several conversations about reverse culture shock and (my) expectations that people genuinely want to know what's going on in Haiti. Another friend suggested that I have a two-minute version because that's all most people want to hear. And before this trip, my attention span might have been about the same for someone with a similar experience.

That was before it was real.

I know the children of Maison de Lumiere. I know their faces and stories; I close my eyes and I can hear their voices. I spent five weeks watching them praise God with honor and glory, totally unashamed. Yes, it's the same God that I worship, but the spiritual richness I felt in Haiti is something I haven't felt here in America.

I know that I am blessed with living in a country where I am afforded a myriad of opportunities. I work hard as a teacher in order to maintain a certain lifestyle, and I don't feel guilty about anything I have. I will admit that I have been caught up in the pursuit of stuff and allowed my spirituality to take a backseat to the accumulation of material possessions and other seemingly important things. In Haiti, there is no pursuit of stuff. It's the pursuit of God and His Kingdom.

Haiti has suffered as a country and they continue to suffer. Yes, there's an upcoming election, but the country has a long history of corruption that will take generations to change. Because of this suffering, these people have developed perseverance, character, and hope. The kids at MdL may have lost mothers and fathers and any normal semblance of family, but they have a trust in God that inspires. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.

I took a huge leap of faith this summer in (completely) stepping out of my comfort zone. I left behind family and friends and gave up my vacation for the unknown. And while I would like to take credit for any of it, I know that it wasn't my decision or plan at all. I think about all the experiences in my life that have been preparing me for Haiti, and it's no coincidence that they all came together so perfectly.

And the transition back into "my life"? I don't feel the need to rush around, and relationships are more important than ever. I haven't found any reason to go to Target, and I probably went to Target 6 times before leaving for Haiti. I feel a peace and calmness in my life that wasn't there before, and I feel my faith is stronger than ever.

I've heard from many people who followed my blog, and it's an honor to know that so many took the time to read about my experience. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! If you are interested in learning more about what Child Hope is doing in the lives of these precious children, you can follow their updates or support their ministry at http://www.childhope.org/

I don't know what happens next, and that's the beauty of trusting God. I do know that life will never be quite the same, and I'm okay with that.

Back in the US

Made it to Miami safely!

Sent from my iPhone

Last day thoughts

It's been a fantastic last day. The last beach trip, the last worship service, the last application of bug spray. It was surprisingly less tearful than I thought, and I know that I've made lifelong friends with everyone who has been part of this experience.

My flight leaves at 9:15 tomorrow morning ... next update from Miami!

Less than 48 hours to go

This morning was our last chapel service. The visiting team from Washington ran the service with worship and a message about the different ways we worship God. They waved worship flags and the kids got to make their own flags during crafts this afternoon. After the service, I stood before the crowd of students, teachers, and visitors and gave my last words as principal. I also had the honor of dismissing kids for the rest of the day and letting them know about our field trip to Club Indigo tomorrow (aka the beach). Cheers echoed through the streets of Haiti ... okay, the kids were excited.

Early dismissal provided time for Jessica, Bethany, and me to (somewhat) organize the school. We selected pages from the kids' Community Circle notebooks as a step in creating a book of sorts to remember the summer. As we worked in the kitchen/classroom, Anderson entertained us with a variety of talents. Half the time I don't think he knew what he was saying, but we were laughing like crazy. Jessica tried to catch him on video, but he always outsmarted us. There's something about Anderson that reminds us of Chris Tucker, and if you've ever watched any Chris Tucker movies, you know what I mean.

After flag making, I chatted with some of the older kids including two of the boys from my Community Circle class. (That's Elysee and Walgens with me in the photo.) They took their Haitian exams last week and have been excused from classes this week, but I've missed our conversations. Elysee is very inquisitive about schools in the United States and can't believe that I teach at a school with over 2,000 students. Walgens has been working hard with one of the other boys as they have a t-shirt making business. They don't produce in large volumes, but I am bringing home their newest design.

I spent some time this afternoon organizing, sorting, and packing. I arrived with over 100 pounds of luggage ... two suitcases busting at the seams, a back pack, and a carry on. After packing about 70% of my belongings, I have filled most of my smaller suitcase. I have some dirty laundry, toiletries, and souvenirs to help fill the larger suitcase, and I am thankful there won't be an overage charge on the way home! Thank you God!

Forty-eight hours from now I'll be on a plane, somewhere over the US on my way home. In the meantime, pray for safe travels to and from the beach tomorrow and a fun-filled, last day with the kids.

Rubberbands

Here's a picture of Lukenson and me playing rubberbands a couple days ago.

The game is quite simple. One person throws a rubberband and the other person tries to throw their rubberband on top. It's sort of like bocce ball ... Jessica came up with the great analogy. The kids get pretty excited when they're playing, and Lukenson likes to move forward with each throw so he's closer to the prize. He has the most adorable laugh when he wins ... okay, his laugh is adorable every time I hear it. Sometimes he cheats and takes two turns in a row or doesn't give me my fair share of the winnings, but then he starts laughing, and it doesn't even matter.

I'm feeling much better today and trying to enjoy the last few days with the kids. I received some encouraging emails today, and had a heart-to-heart conversation with Jamie and Brooke about how I was feeling. They've been through it all (multiple times), and said that my frustration was normal. I am blessed by their wisdom and Haiti experience.

School was great, but it's hard to mess up the last day of school. Tomorrow is chapel, we are dismissing the kids early, and we have a surprise beach trip planned for Friday.

Tonight we're headed to Petionville for dinner and ice cream!

Current state

I'm feeling frustrated and ready to come home, and trying to find balance between those emotions and completing what I'm here to do.

Tomorrow is our last full day of school, and then we have some fun activities planned for Thursday and Friday.

I keep thinking about packing ... but it's only Tuesday.

Monday moments

Here are a few notable moments from today:

1. Started school without diesel (and subsequently power). Yesterday Anderson told me that we were out of gas, and when I said I would talk to Marlvarl, he said, "Not now, he's going to play soccer!" Diesel arrived around 8:30 am, and Marlvarl got to enjoy his soccer game. I have also learned that it's very Haitian to wait until the last minute to ask for anything.

2. Patrick was over at the guest house this afternoon, and I jokingly mentioned that he just wanted our ice; he comes at least once a day and fills up his cup with ice. He said that I was correct. There's a Haitian philosophy that if you have two, then I (he) can take one. We have lots of ice ... so he takes some.

3. I announced that today is Jeff's birthday. He disagreed and told us (the whole school) that it is in October. Susette double-checked his birth certificate, and it IS today. I asked him about it after school since we always make a cake and put together a gift for birthdays. I don't know if he was being shy or if he just doesn't like birthdays. We're planning to celebrate after dinner.

4. Watched about 20 minutes of Planet Earth with the 1st and 2nd graders. I quickly realized that they were seeing squirrels mate and then get attacked by other animals. In another scene an animal's head was torn off then stored for later. Was I the only one disturbed by this content?

5. Woke up cold. That's right, COLD! The team that arrived on Saturday finished the installation of an air conditioning unit that the team from San Diego started before they left. Less confusing than it sounds. I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that my top sheet wasn't keeping me warm enough. Somehow I managed, because I slept through my alarm. I was quickly reminded of the Haiti heat when I walked out of my room to go to school.

Lessons at church and letters of apology

The past few Sundays at church I sat in the front and usually ended up escorting small children to the bathroom. It's hard to follow the message when you miss a large chunk in the middle. Today I thought I would follow Jessica's advice (after experiencing the bathroom visits herself), so we sat in the back next to Brittany and Asher. Brittany is from California, and she just moved back to Haiti with her husband Rod and their 11 month old Asher (he's the cutie in the picture). The kids love Asher, so Cendy and Daphne shared the chair next to me. Daphne asked if she could make a picture, so in addition to the darling photo of her and Asher, I have photos of many random people at church. I wish I could say I caught more of the message. The little girls didn't ask to go to the bathroom, but they provided plenty of distractions.

This afternoon I ventured back to the boys' home, and at first it was the same chilly reception as yesterday. Marckendy, Richard, and Keso approached me hesitantly and quickly handed me the following notes of apology.

Dear Kelly
I am sorry because I do a lot of trouble.
Love Keso

Dear Kelly
I am sorry because I was mean with you and I want you to pray for me that you will be my friend and I love you so much.
Love Marckendy

Dear Kelly
How are you doing? I am sorry because I wasn't talk to you. I will miss you. I love you so much. God will make a way for you. You are so kind to me. I will cry for you when you leave. Thank you because you come in Haiti to help us. Thank you for giving me sentences. This time I need you to give me more like 100 times.
Richard

It was nice to get some resolve after yesterday. The kids have a difficult time understanding that discipline is love, and sometimes it takes them a day (or so) to come back around. After reading their notes, I enjoyed some bocce bands (kind of like bocce ball with rubberbands) with Lukenson, pushed some kids on the swings, and had an enjoyable afternoon. Now that's more like it!

Voted off the island?!?

When I visit the boys, there is normally a warm greeting followed by hugs, questions, and loud voices. Today I heard crickets. Chirp chirp, chirp chirp. The older boys were talking to me, but the little boys were silent. Now that's strange. I sat there for a while thinking that they would eventually come around.

Still waiting ...

Schneider asked if I talked to Susette about the little boys being disrespectful, which I had, and he said that was why they weren't talking. He also said he was going to talk to them (thank you Schneider!). Yesterday's behavior at chapel wasn't great ... and the teachers did meet with Susette. Now I know what it feels like to be a contestant on Survivor who was just voted off the island.

On the flip side, my time with the girls was exceptionally good. Oline threw her arms around me, Christella smiled; they were happy to see me. Daphne was her usual darling self and then fell asleep on my lap during worship. Pharra, Isguerda, and Katiana shared their gifts of song; we prayed, and I asked God to tender the hearts of the little boys.

And in honor of my last week, I (finally) opened the bag of Sour Patch Kids!

Can you say tourists?

Arielle, Brooke, and I took a toursit-type picture with the chicken at Epidor. Check out the enormous ice cream cone! Epidor reminds me of the food court at a mall. There was an area for pizza, an area for sandwiches, an area for burgers, and a couple areas for desserts. Unfortunately we were too full to get ice cream (sounds like an oxymoron, I know), so we stopped at Eagle Market to get ice cream for after dinner. Normally I wouldn't hesitate to spend money on ice cream, but I couldn't fathom spending 330 Haitian dollars on a pint of frozen goodness. That's about $8.50 US, so I opted for some dark chocolate instead.

And why were we not at school on this beautiful summer day? School was cancelled after we got word of manifestations in Port-au-Prince. This is an election year in Haiti, and there were political protests that may have prevented our Haitian teachers from getting to and from school. As for our safety, Pastor Dave (and many others) have said, "It's the safest place in the world if that's where God wants you to be."

Power on, power off

The first few nights I was here, I slept with earplugs to muffle the noises of Haiti ... fans blowing, dogs barking, and roosters ... making rooster noises? The word escapes me. There's also the soft hum of the generator reminding me that the power is out. Losing power has become a regular occurrence, and by regular I mean ALL the time.

The guest house operates on battery power, and on most nights, we get city power (aka EDH). If the batteries are not sufficiently charged and/or there is no EDH, we are on generator power. Please don't ask for a more scientific explanation. What I've learned about generators is that they are loud and produce heat. Add that to the current inside temperature of 91.4 degrees (51% humidity) and you've got yourself a party.

Energy is a little different at school in that generator is always on. Today, not so much.

The day started with me covering the 2nd grade class because Mr. Luchner wasn't there. About thirty minutes into 3-digit addition and subtraction, Katrina poured glue on my chair. Tibo and Keso alerted me before I sat in the sticky stuff, and I quickly escorted her to Mr. Ivens (new Haitian principal for the fall). We continued with math and then headed off to recess. Recess occurred without incident (I think), and then it was time for Community Circle.

At about 10:15 the fans stopped turning. Hmm ... I can still hear the generator. We made an executive decision to dismiss classes for the day, notified the teachers, and then watched as the fans turned on and off, over and over. The power may have stayed on after that, but trying to get 40 kids to come back to school when they aren't thrilled to be there in the first place is like herding cats.

As for the noise, it's become part of the ambiance. When it's time to sleep, I put on my headphones, set the sleep timer, and head off to dreamland.

Clarification on yesterday's post and recovery of lost pants!

This morning I got an email from my mom saying that she and my dad didn't understand my cryptic post from yesterday. So, I reread it and in addition to being (purposely) vague, it's a little fragmented. Here's another version.

1. Opened card from Priscilla


2. Found money


3. Note encouraged me to bless someone else with said money


4. Question asked, "Will I be obedient?"

Then I wrote about being obedient and waiting on God's timing, but I may not have articulated myself very well or connected my body paragraphs to my thesis. How's that for an explanation?

On an entirely unrelated note, I finally found the pair of pants I was wearing when I arrived. You may be wondering how one goes about losing their pants in Haiti, and there's a perfectly logical explanation. That's Haiti logic of course. As a longer-term guest (as opposed to a week-long guest), I can put my laundry out three days a week. It's sounds cushy, and I feel very blessed that someone other than my Maytag is willing to wash my sweaty clothes.

Clothing is hand washed, wrung out (sometimes a little stretched out), and then put on the line on the roof. They don't use clothes pins, and gravity holds them on the line as long the clothing is wet. I was warned that some articles of clothing may blow away or end up in the barbed wire around the perimeter of the property. As of this afternoon, there were two items from my wardrobe that were MIH (Missing in Haiti). Jamie suggested that I look in the Costume Closet aka donation room, and I found my missing pants! I have yet to locate that $2 tank top from Old Navy, but I still have 9 days to go.

What would you do?

This morning at breakfast I remembered that I didn't open my card from Priscilla last night. What an exciting Tuesday morning treat! As I broke the seal on the envelope, I noticed that there was something familiar inside. For a second I was excited, and as I read her note I realized that the contents were not for me. So, I've been brainstorming all day ... who do I give it to? Should there be some sort of criteria for selection? How will I know?

I shared my dilemma with Caitlin, and she said that I would know when it's time (thanks Pumpkin). Her response and this situation remind me of the importance of waiting on God's timing. Too often we (read I) become impatient and want things to happen when we're ready. This trip has provided many reminders that my plans are not always the same as what God wants for me.

Micah 7:7 says, "But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord; I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."

To do list vs. What I did list

What I intended to accomplish at school today versus what actually happened:

1. Prepare Community Circle notebooks ... started on this project, then assigned it to a student who was asked to leave class. Is using a glue stick punishment?

2. Work with Lukenson on intervention ... was busy supervising student mentioned above as well as another student who was asked to leave a different class. I was so excited about making progress on the alphabet. Hopefully tomorrow is different.

3. Visit with younger kids during morning recess ... made a quick appearance, provided snacks, then rushed back to my office (kitchen) to continue supervising a student finishing work and writing sentences. In the meantime, counseled another student who tried to tell me that his teacher ate his snack.

4. Teach Community Circle class to the 6th grade boys ... they were off site in preparation for their government exams. I took the opportunity to run back (figuratively of course) to the guest house for a water refill and relay a message about school needs (diesel, Clorox, and dish soap) to Fritz and Erta.

4. Breathe for a few minutes before older kid recess ... ACCOMPLISHED!

5. Supervise older kid recess and observe positive behavior ... played referee to older kids, counseled crying girls who wanted to jump rope, put kids in time out (though I didn't time them), had a quick chat with kids about playing nice or losing recess, then supervised a student writing sentences about playing nice ... I guess the chat didn't work.

And at this point, it was only 10:30 a.m.

Friendship

Today I was reading a newsletter/devotional from Girlfriends in God and it was all about friendships. One of the passages highlighted our need for such relationships, and rather than reinvent the wheel, here it is:

"We all need friends. We need people in our lives that will love us where we are and help us get to a place of higher living. We need friends that will hold us accountable to God's standards -- friends that sharpen us."

I'll be honest, I miss my friends. God has blessed my life with amazing friends who make me wiser and better. They know all the quirky things about me that make me who I am. They know how to read between the lines of what I say. They know that my lack of a response is a response in and of itself. They know how to give me the honest truth even when I don't want to hear it. And they are always there to celebrate the happy times.

The friendships I've made since I've been here have provided much of the same love and support that I'm used to back home. Gods knows the needs of my heart and he provides. Over the past three weeks I have developed new friendships. And while some of the connections may be transitory, I know that others will be part of my life forever. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds me of the importance of friendship, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"

So thank you for listening, thank you for laughing, thank you for helping me up when I needed it. I am grateful for the opportunity to share this amazing experience with you!